g i r l h a t t a n
Monday, August 23, 2004
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
my hot & hip new TV show!
Hey, if you work for MTV, VH1, FOX, NBC, ABC or CBS, drop me a line! I've got a great idea for a hot new TV show.
Ready?
Svengali Daddy Showdown!
The once reigning champion of Svengali Daddies and head of music world entertainment, Matthew Knowles, would face his challenger, Joe Simpson.
Sure, Matthew is is behind Destiny's Child, breakout star/favorite daughter Beyoncé, as well as snubbed lil' sis Solange (who, with the quickie wedding, pulled a Nicky Hilton before Nicky Hilton did...) Plus, he's supposedly signing hip-hop heavies De La Soul.
But while the new DC CD won't come out til 2005, Joe Simpson is hot right now. Joe manages the careers of Jessica, Ashlee and new teen heartthrob Ryan Cabrera. He micromanages everything from the songs to the reality shows.
So.
Let's get Matthew and Joe in a ring together and see what happens. Better yet, let's give them an artist - one talented but underexposed singer - and watch them compete to turn the poor thing into an overworked, overexposed household name. That's good television!
Guest stars would include Hilary Duff's pushy producer mom Susan, Aaron Carter's ass-kicking mom Jane (check out her pretty mug shot!) and everyone from Bravo's Showbiz Moms and Dads.
Hey! TV People! This idea is money in the bank. Call me.
Ready?
Svengali Daddy Showdown!
The once reigning champion of Svengali Daddies and head of music world entertainment, Matthew Knowles, would face his challenger, Joe Simpson.
Sure, Matthew is is behind Destiny's Child, breakout star/favorite daughter Beyoncé, as well as snubbed lil' sis Solange (who, with the quickie wedding, pulled a Nicky Hilton before Nicky Hilton did...) Plus, he's supposedly signing hip-hop heavies De La Soul.
But while the new DC CD won't come out til 2005, Joe Simpson is hot right now. Joe manages the careers of Jessica, Ashlee and new teen heartthrob Ryan Cabrera. He micromanages everything from the songs to the reality shows.
So.
Let's get Matthew and Joe in a ring together and see what happens. Better yet, let's give them an artist - one talented but underexposed singer - and watch them compete to turn the poor thing into an overworked, overexposed household name. That's good television!
Guest stars would include Hilary Duff's pushy producer mom Susan, Aaron Carter's ass-kicking mom Jane (check out her pretty mug shot!) and everyone from Bravo's Showbiz Moms and Dads.
Hey! TV People! This idea is money in the bank. Call me.
Monday, August 16, 2004
d'oh!
so apparently i missed the andy dick antics at butter on monday! the new york post's elisa lipsky-karasz reports that andy threw up on someone. i'm oddly jealous!
here's the bit:
Andy Dick kicked off his debauched week in New York by throwing up on a hapless partier at Butter on Monday night.
Dick, there for a party rapper Lil Jon threw to launch his energy drink Crunk, was downstairs with party staples Sean Lennon, Devon Aoki and Chloe Sevigny when he lost control.
A music magazine editor had the misfortune of sitting alone at a table when Dick and his assistant decided to join her. The wayward comic took one sip of his drink before ducking his head under the table to hurl. "It came out like a rope!" he proudly announced to the editor, whose $200 jeans he ruined. Then, suddenly embarrassed, he whispered, "Did anyone see me?" before staggering off to the bathroom.
here's the bit:
Andy Dick kicked off his debauched week in New York by throwing up on a hapless partier at Butter on Monday night.
Dick, there for a party rapper Lil Jon threw to launch his energy drink Crunk, was downstairs with party staples Sean Lennon, Devon Aoki and Chloe Sevigny when he lost control.
A music magazine editor had the misfortune of sitting alone at a table when Dick and his assistant decided to join her. The wayward comic took one sip of his drink before ducking his head under the table to hurl. "It came out like a rope!" he proudly announced to the editor, whose $200 jeans he ruined. Then, suddenly embarrassed, he whispered, "Did anyone see me?" before staggering off to the bathroom.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
crunktastic!
as far as I could tell, there was only one celebrity in the house at the Lil Jon party (for his Crunk! energy drink and new Oakley sunglasses) monday night at Butter — besides Lil Jon—and that man was none other than assistant-shagging rehabber Andy Dick.
Mr. Dick sat fairly calmly at a booth as all around him people were lighting up smokeable substances, drinking Crunk cocktails (one was called "Lil Red Bitch") and half-naked gogo dancers shimmied to Lil' Jon's "Get Low." After about 20 minutes, he left.
Mr. Dick sat fairly calmly at a booth as all around him people were lighting up smokeable substances, drinking Crunk cocktails (one was called "Lil Red Bitch") and half-naked gogo dancers shimmied to Lil' Jon's "Get Low." After about 20 minutes, he left.
orchard bar
when you come home at 4:30 AM drenched with sweat and covered in glitter, you know it's been a good thursday night at orchard bar.
henry plays the tunes, melissa hosts, and the freaks are on the dancefloor. it's a beautiful thing.
henry plays the tunes, melissa hosts, and the freaks are on the dancefloor. it's a beautiful thing.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
breaking news!!!
need guidance or good luck?
since you can no longer buy the trendy, red string kaballah bracelet at target, i've started my own way to ward off the evil eye.
i am selling limited edition black string bracelets for $150 each.
these strings are 100% cotton and are guaranteed* to help you jumpstart your career, date someone considerably younger and hotter, get a seat on the F train, and keep you from eating too much junk food. you'll have a record deal and a reality show within minutes!
please send cash, then wait 4-618 weeks for delivery.
*guarantee not legal in any of the 50 states, canada, mexico or planet earth.
since you can no longer buy the trendy, red string kaballah bracelet at target, i've started my own way to ward off the evil eye.
i am selling limited edition black string bracelets for $150 each.
these strings are 100% cotton and are guaranteed* to help you jumpstart your career, date someone considerably younger and hotter, get a seat on the F train, and keep you from eating too much junk food. you'll have a record deal and a reality show within minutes!
please send cash, then wait 4-618 weeks for delivery.
*guarantee not legal in any of the 50 states, canada, mexico or planet earth.
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
truly irritating!
i have two pet peeves: people who litter and overly tweezed eyebrows.
a couple of days ago i watched this woman, who was eating pizza in the passenger side of a SUV as it rumbled down clinton street, zip down her window and throw a dunkin' donuts napkin out onto the street.
as the car rolled away i had the urge to pick the napkin out of its filthy puddle, run over to the car, knock on the window and, when she zipped it down, deposit the napkin in her lap.
"here's your napkin back," i would say. "you left it on my block. oh, and i'd just like to get your address so that if i have anything i want to throw away, i can leave it in front of your house."
of course, i just kept on walking with the rage tucked neatly away.
as for the insanely tweezed eyebrows: they're vexing in general, but especially on supposedly straight men.
right now - and i hope i don't end up swimming with the fishes for writing this - serious offenders can be seen on growing up gotti. hey, kids. put the tweezers down. slowly. that's it. everything's going to be OK.
a couple of days ago i watched this woman, who was eating pizza in the passenger side of a SUV as it rumbled down clinton street, zip down her window and throw a dunkin' donuts napkin out onto the street.
as the car rolled away i had the urge to pick the napkin out of its filthy puddle, run over to the car, knock on the window and, when she zipped it down, deposit the napkin in her lap.
"here's your napkin back," i would say. "you left it on my block. oh, and i'd just like to get your address so that if i have anything i want to throw away, i can leave it in front of your house."
of course, i just kept on walking with the rage tucked neatly away.
as for the insanely tweezed eyebrows: they're vexing in general, but especially on supposedly straight men.
right now - and i hope i don't end up swimming with the fishes for writing this - serious offenders can be seen on growing up gotti. hey, kids. put the tweezers down. slowly. that's it. everything's going to be OK.
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