what you resist will persist

when life is stable and steady it can be nice yet dull. when life is a roller coaster twisting and turning and looping around, it can be exciting, but accompanied by dizziness and nausea.

we all have our patterns.

some things persist.

i was reading the interview with Michael Alig from earlier this year and thinking, wow, the things i've seen. growing up in new york in the 80s and 90s. i love my friends, love them, but they're mostly new to my life… no one can even understand what it was like, really. it's impossible to even describe. making out with some dude from humanities at marc ballroom, seeing andy warhol at the flea market on columbus avenue, shopping at patricia field on 8th street, seeing terence trent d'arby at the world when you're underage and there's mystery liquid dripping from the ceiling. the koch years, the dinkins years. cbgb, limelight, the tunnel, sticky mike's frog bar, club usa and a whole bunch of other places that don't exist any more… my homes away from home. palladium is an NYU dorm now, the amazing pool hall on that block, Julian's? long gone. Trader Joe's moved in. but it used to be a city of gritty hide outs, nooks and crannies. more mixing, more diversity. most nights out, you were likely to see a drag queen, russell simmons or both. free booze at outlaw parties, making friends with weed dealers in the meadow, $2 whiskey sours at howard johnson's in times square. no one remembers. i remember.

but we all have our patterns.

we all have scenes that get replayed. sometimes the characters are the same but the backdrop is different, sometimes the characters are new, the setting is new, but the words are the same. the things you try and run away from follow you. what you resist will persist. there are only 36 plots in the world.

my pattern, my go-to scene, the monologue i have memorized, the clip that will always, always make it into the director's cut is this: i want more. i always want more. bigger better faster richer farther hotter. and, all praises due to the voodoo priestes: happier. happier. and i can't stop won't stop, even though i'm exhausted and everyone's gone.

completely unrelated: pomade has officially made a comeback. i thought it was just the boys in my little galaxy, but it's definitely a thing. dudes doing dax daily. it looks good, i'll give 'em that. but damn if it doesn't stain a girl's pillowcase. ask yourself this, ladies: is it worth it?