need guidance or good luck?
since you can no longer buy the trendy, red string kaballah bracelet at target, i've started my own way to ward off the evil eye.
i am selling limited edition black string bracelets for $150 each.
these strings are 100% cotton and are guaranteed* to help you jumpstart your career, date someone considerably younger and hotter, get a seat on the F train, and keep you from eating too much junk food. you'll have a record deal and a reality show within minutes!
please send cash, then wait 4-618 weeks for delivery.
*guarantee not legal in any of the 50 states, canada, mexico or planet earth.