catty.

so there's this guy.

learning from disastrous encounters, i'd recenty sworn off any "creatures of the night" - i.e. bartenders, waiters, graveyard shift con ed employees - anyone who's working around the same time i'd like him to be taking me to odeon for some steak frites.

but this guy is a bouncer.
and although at first glance i thought russian, he turned out to be polish.
and hot.
and into me.
and i was definitely having impure thoughts about him.

my attorney called from hellay and we spoke at length about the pole.

girlhattan: i think i'm gonna climb that pole.
hellaylaw: you should. you should slide down that pole.
girlhattan: then would i be a pole cat?
hellaylaw: maybe, if you take up pole vaulting.
girlhattan: and pole dancing.
hellaylaw: you should polish that pole.
girlhattan: you know he's six three, right? that is a large hunk of man candy.
hellaylaw: you're going to have to have to keep licking until you reach the creamy center.

we went on like this for a while.

so the pole and i started flirting in person, then talking on the phone, then text messaging, and then, very suddenly, quarrelling.

you know those films where time is all sped up and you can watch an army of ants gather and devour a water buffalo or whatever?

i'm having a warp speed time-lapse relationship.

it's been less than a week and we are already having a passive-aggressive text message fight, in which i am determined to have the last word.

i think i'm breaking up with the magnetic pole, and we haven't even started seeing each other.


meow meow meow meow meow meow.

it's a henrietta pussycat kind of day, wouldn't you say?