pretty little thing, hot little thing

from my brazilliant friend Matt:

It's The DaVinci Code meets American Pie! college humor has just posted a humorous extract from a longer story I'm writing about the not-so-miraculous teenage son of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene. The actual story is slightly more serious and sadder than this excerpt, but until then... here are the Biblical sex jokes!
Please check it out if you get a chance. Thanks!

the lost blog of jesus christ jr

in other news, the iTunes free download of the week or month or whatever is "pretty little thing"* by Fink.

the pitch-perfect track for these sweltering hot days.
deceptively simple.
jam-packed with burning desire and yearning.
seductive and sexy.
my new favorite song until otherwise announced.


cause when you walked by
you know every guy
noticed
the way that your dress
clings on for the ride...

all my boys say
she's the type to
fake it
i ain't sayin' nothin'

she couldn't care less
wearing that dress

pretty little thing
hot little thing
hot little thing
and knows it

*option click to DL!

are you living your life to its fullest?

i often say that i think i am part raven or crow or magpie.

family corvidae.

i CANNOT look away from shiny objects, even in magazines.

i see silver bags, shoes and jewelry and i get hypnotized.

i'm on page 93 of the august issue of elle magazine right now, looking at a page of silver accessories, including the new mirrored LV bag.

my pupils are spiralling.

so anyway.

here's something to think about: what are you afraid of?

i think i have atychiphobia. but who doesn't?

a photographer friend offered to photograph me, and suggested i start collecting images i like the look/feel of, so he could get an idea of what would make me happy. for whatever reason, the first two people who came to mind were thandie newton and monica bellucci.

friend: why?
me: eyes, mostly. but also strength... neither of them are like, "oh look at me i'm a pretty little girl."it's more like "i am a woman and you may photograph me but you may not touch or ever really know me..."
sexy but defensive. "fuck you," not "fuck me."

as i was typing to him i realized what an interesting little pop psychology quiz it was.
what i'd revealed. what i wanted my picture to say about me, what i wanted him to think about me.

anywho.
i'd love to be photographed by ellen von unwerth. just looks like fun fun fun.

or maybe i just like high contrast black and white.

yo ho ho and a bottle of sapphire

ahoy!

avast ye scallywags, landlubbers and scurvy dogs.

i took the time at work yesterday to apply glitter to my eye patch.

later i headed out for the pirate party...

in the spirit of the season's new "skinny jeans" i was wearing tight pants for the first time in a long time.

pants so tight you could see my entire shoe.

pants so tight that the world was my gynecologist.

pants so tight i needed a friend and a box cutter to get them off.

and yet. no walkin' the plank, matey, ye must hold fast, savvy?

behold the high - or possibly low - lights of a pirate's life.

bachelorette

putting the SIN in SINGLE®.



my girl bjork has a song called bachelorette.

a song i adore.

but i wish there were a better word for the single ladies. then again, at least we're not in "maid" or "spinster" territory. still, there's something antiquated about it.

moving right along:

this bachelorette left her ghetto crack-den sized apartment and had lunch at the ritz yesterday. life is about highs and lows, people. this much i know is true.

my lunch date was a cute cute cute actor from a new-ish TV show. work-related fun!

this bachelorette also went to the movies last night.

high noon was playing for free in bryant park.





props to king tee for reserving a spot on the lawn.


we interrupt this post to bring you the following VERY IMPORTANT fashion links:

people in copenhagen are hipper than you are

malan breton has a blog

fashion addict's diary

i love you/i hate you

we now return you to your regularly scheduled post.

yes, that is actually my refrigerator.

more later.

grey goose and jamba juice

sometimes when you're down, or you've got the pimms (not the good pimms but the bad pimms) you can sort of feel stuck in a rung on the hamster wheel of life.

but you know, it only takes a moment, a phone call, an afternoon of good people and good times to turn it all around.

quotable quotes:

"grey goose and jamba juice!"

"the boat turned and my foot went in the water - in the hudson."
"how did it feel?"
"cold and nasty!"

"lip kisses only."
"well it's gonna be a hug, then."

"i pitched it to the styles section but the new york times turned it down."
"eff them."

"the thing about the situation's situation is that the situation isn't even here."

(after the disco ball/strobe light punjabi MC moment at panna 2)
"that made it all worth it"

our needs are few, our wants are many --lao tse

mariane


angie


ok, first things first. i love angelina jolie AND I believe in colorblind casting BUT...

WHY is angelina going to play mariane pearl?

i do not understand.



NEXT.

what i've really been thinking about (when not feeling sick to my stomach over the crisis...)

SHOPPING.

oh, dear. so shallow.

let's do this, shall we?


striped scoop top
YUM!



clear link-bracelet watch
SWEET!




round-toe boots that maybe slouch a little
FOXY!



chunky tough-girl bag
RED HOT!



peacemaker purse
MAKE LOVE NOT WAR!

no, non, nay, nyet, ixnay, etc.

so i'm standing in the stairwell of the F train station, finishing up a call on my cell. i'm wearing white pants and a mango-colored top. sunny, demure.

this middle-aged asian guy stops next to me on the stairs and smiles.

i smile back as i'm hanging up the phone. clearly he's soft in the head or something.

"hi," he says.

i'm walking down the stairs. "hi," i say. inside i add, freak.

"you? two? you? two?" he asks.

"um - you need two dollars? you need a metrocard?"

it's a sunny day, i'm feeling generous. i will swipe the crazy man so he can ride the F.

but as i swipe, go through the turnstile and wave my metrocard at him, he whips out his own metrocard and follows me through.

"two hundred," he says. "you, two hundred?"

"excuse me?" i walk a little faster.

he comes really close to me and shows me a wad of cash.

"you, me, two hundred dollar?"

it is five pm on a sunday and i am being PROPOSITIONED FOR PROSTITUTION???

"no!" i say, waving him away.

he seems incredulous. "no?"

"NO!" i walk away briskly.

and that, friends, is how hot it is in girlhattan. people are losing their minds.


i really needed this.

sham pain, the epic

if you play your cards right, your weekend can start on thursday.

i had a meeting in the am and then went to visit my friend cornelius in the garment district. he's beautiful, he can sing, i love his band and he also designs dresses! i was hooked up with a brand new wrap dress.



please excuse the horrifying shiny chin. hot in the city.

anyway. when you have a good meeting and a new dress, you have to go out. those are the rules.


so i met my friend T for dinner, and it quickly turned into oysters and champagne...









after dinner we picked up more champagne and headed to workhorse's, where there was an impromptu pedi competition.

you may or may not believe this, but some of these feet belong to straight men.



i was declared the winner of the pedi contest, but when straight guys are involved, is it really a victory to savor?

here's my pedi secret: i bring my own polish to the pedi place. that way, when (not if) the polish chips, i can touch it up myself.








we ended the night in the back patio of crudo.

friday i did stuff like go to the bookstore, drink a smoothie, drop off laundry, etc.

saturday i traveled to fort greene, brooklyn - beautiful scenic setting for a summer picnic...

sitting under a tree eating KFC is one of life's small pleasures.

plus my ipod was hooked up to my monster speakers...


















sunday afternoon was the fun indoor/outdoor gay party @ opus 22 - starring candis cayne. she performed a few numbers and even ran out onto the west side highway during "love is a battlefield."

may i be honest? your weekend is lacking if you don't see a tranny run to an island by the west side highway and dance like pat benatar.







please note how my cocktail just about matches my shirt. MANGO MADNESS!








afterward we ate dinner @ highline and then had more drinks at apt.

we met a nice architect from east berlin, but by that time it was late on a school night and time to go home....








more later...