no magic wand jokes.

so i rented the covenant the very first day it was out on DVD, which was tuesday. let's just be clear: the movie is completely mediocre. but renny harlin and the producers were extremely specific with the marketing of this film, which was basically: what if abercrombie models had powers?

kidding. but unfortunately, a movie that asks this question is a film i need to see.

and so the "sons of ipswich" are basically witches, wizards, warlocks, whatever you want to call them. they're rich new england chiseled-jawed boys who reference harry potter and one dude threatens to make another dude his "weeatch." terrible, laughable, and sort of weirdly enjoyable. but honestly? rent it for the special effects... see it again for the swim team scenes.








sweet pieces of man candy.
when, in your life, have you ever seen high school boys like that?
or uniforms like that?

believe it or not, there's gay subtext.

i was sort of expecting them to start making out with each other.





i mean, they seem like they want to, am i right?
let me mention that there are girls in swimsuits at in this scene, but none of the guys notice them.



listen, i know i could just go get gay porn, but would it be directed by renny harlin? would friday night lights' taylor kitsch be in it? would it be titillating but still PG-13?

and so, i mindlessly await the covenant 2: butterfly stroke boogaloo.
or whatever.